It has been awhile since i wrote anything, not because i do not have stuff to write about, but because i do not know where to start. My head feels like a jungle almost all the time am awake and am so used to it being a jungle, i don’t even notice when it changes to a calm oasis. I try so hard to sort it out but it always seem like the harder i try to sort it, the more tangled it end up being. More like trying to untangle a ball of thread, you tangle it more as you try to untangle. But you carry on hoping that eventually all the pieces you find yourself with will fit together and/or you can just tie them together.
That is how i feel my week has been. A ball of tangled thread that i keep trying to untangle and failing miserably. At some point, it made me wish that i was living at home and i didn’t have to worry about anything except what movie to watch later when everyone calls it a night! But reality has a way of not just knocking on your door really loud, it sometimes comes with little reality kids that enjoy chaos more than the checks. I have dealt with difficult people in my life so i would like to assume that yes, i have lived and i know something or two of the world. Which is why am still shocked that people, girls to be exact, can still surprise me.
I thought that at this age and time, it would be very hard to find a girl that could use her tears to get what she want. But i wasn’t even looking and i found one. It beats all logic, that a girl living alone and being all ‘grown up’ can insist on ‘tears'(not sure whether it wasn’t water) when faced with a little misunderstanding. I have heard people to go to extreme measures to get what they want, and that is completely sensical, but to use tears as a weapon is just plain wrong. Am gonna get just a little religious and say when God gave us tears, i would like to believe that He had this image of us women, using the ‘tears’ for something that isn’t conniving or self-centered. In my mind, ‘tears’ are sacred, meaning that i can shed a tear when a friend passes on, or when am overwhelmed with emotions that can’t be put to words, or when am witnessing God’s work(appreciative tears)….so when you start an argument and bring out tears as your defense when authority gets involved, it makes me pity you. That God has given you so much to use in your or rather, as your defense and you chose to use/misuse that.
Well, that and the fact that it puts people like i at a disadvantage. Not every girl can summon tears when she wants and some of us can’t even stand them. And am not only at a disadvantage cos of the tears that are not there to be shed, it baffles me to the point where i lose my arguments. Its like my head is a library, all neat and organized and ready for any attack and then tears starts and my neat library head gets drowned in a sea of tears that aren’t even mine. Try finding a clear point from that…..not easy.
I am not saying people shouldn’t cry when they want, am just saying there’s always a better defense than tears. Cos i don’t care whether am in the right or wrong, immediately you bring in tears into a case, you have already lost. But to be fair, on a much more deeper level of being a girl, i do understand why one would easily cry as a defense. I mean,as a girl, just think of how easy the whole ‘dealing with the world’ would be, if whenever you make a mess, you just get hysterical. Most guys i know do not know how to deal with tears and to avoid them, they’d do anything. Just picture a scenario where you want a guy to propose but he insists he isn’t ready, just open the tap and wallah, you get a ring. That would be pretty cool……the only downside would be the wet footpaths that would never dry, what with all the women crying all the time and all.
But as cool as that would be, it wouldn’t make sense. It might to the teary one but to the rest of us, it would seem shady and just plain wrong. I know i come off as an emotionless stone attacking the emotion-full good people of the universe and maybe i am…(emotionless, not attacking) but i refuse to even consider it normal to use tears in that manner. And yes, maybe(keyword-‘maybe’) am fighting for the ‘tears rights’, but i don’t see why they should be wasted just because you have a dam inside you!
Ladies, don’t get me wrong, am not saying don’t cry……am saying don’t waste your tear. And also kudos to those few men who don’t cringe on the inside when the tears start.