What is your Number?

The most awkward question of all time “how many guys/girls have you been with before me?” I know almost all of us have been faced with that question and I don’t know whether there’s an answer that can satisfy me as a girl. I mean, I’d rather think of myself as THE girl than have to confirm that yes, before me, he had a life. And in my defense, it comes with being a girl to be affected by such, and for guys who get affected by the answer to this question, man up!

I don’t know why it’s important for people to know how many guys a girl has been with, I mean, so what if I have been with five guys or ten, how will it help you as my eleventh boyfriend to know there were 10 predecessors before you? Will it make you feel manlier that you are with a girl who has handled 10 guys and now she is handling you? Or will it make you feel threatened as a guy? Or maybe still, it’ll make you wonder what she has seen in you that all those other guys didn’t have? This question is usually a detonator to insecurities. Some guys might act like there’s nothing wrong and in reality, there isn’t. The problem is that the image that’s usually in the head of this guy will change and most of the time it doesn’t change to a good one.  As a girl, I guy telling me that am the 20th girl he’s been with can work two ways depending on my moods at the moment in question.The optimist in me will be like “he has had a lot of experience” so in a good day, he can get lucky after telling me am the 21st. The pessimist in me though, that shit won’t cut it! I’ll be like “the 21st? Are you a gigolo/prostitute?”

Anyway, this post wasn’t to complain about the question being asked or not asked. Is about what number is acceptable for girls and dudes? And by number I mean of the girls/guys you have given it too. For a guy, having slept with 20 girls can be seen as an achievement of some sort and when they tell you such a number, it’s usually with pride and yet for a girl, that would be an abomination. I mean a girl having slept with 20 guys? And not for money? It sounds like a crime. But it’s not a crime! What is wrong with a girl having slept with all those guys? It’s a search for experience (am no justifying it).

My question being, what number is acceptable to the society? I know that being a virgin will be the most acceptable but ‘the virgin’ ship sailed a long time ago and it’s never coming back. Is 2 or 4 too little a number to give? And is 20 or even 25 too large a number? Most guys would never believe a girl who would say “ I have been with  only 3 guys my entire life” and this is not an assumption, I have talked to some guys about it and according to the seven that I asked, only one said he might believe it (might being the keyword). On further elaboration, some admitted that it could mean two things, she either doesn’t like sex or she’s just trying to appear innocent (pretending)! So I asked about a girl having been with 20 guys, the looks I got were enough for me to get the point. One even went ahead and asked, ”kwani ntakua nimeenda koinange kutafuta dame?” which loosely translates to “why would I go to a brothel to look for a girlfriend?”

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I can understand why most would consider such a girl a slut but 20 is not such a big number? Experience is the best teacher. And besides, vagina is not like soap that it gets a little finished with every use (again, not trying to justify). But why would it be alright if a guy has slept with as many girls as 20 but not a girl? Double standards….!!!!!

So in my quest to find the acceptable number, I found out there isn’t one. According to guys, more than 7 is slutty and yet less than 5 is a lie. For girls, a guy who says he has been with less than 7 girls is a liar and more than 12 is a braggart! Not my words. In my opinion, it shouldn’t matter how many girls or guys you have been with, in the past. So it can be 20 or 30 (just making a point), the main point is that it’s all in the PAST! And besides, all those sexcapades means she picked up some really great moves along the way, I mean, 20 is not quite a small number as I might have made it to be. And all she learned, she is to use on you if you play your cards right. You can never gain anything by dragging the past to your future.

What do you think? And should the number matter? Share your thoughts…..

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6 thoughts on “What is your Number?

  1. My point exactly,if a guy has been with that many girls, he is a hero and a chic is called a slut for it,double standards!
    I don’t think it should matter though,yes you have been with other people but it is what it is,the past.
    And FYI,the virgin ship has not sailed for everyone.Not for me anyway!
    Nice read.

    1. hehehehe we should definitely meet…..i would like to have a friend whose ship is still docked….and yes, also think it shouldn’t matter, even asking that question should never cross someone’s mind…..thanks for reading and sharing, always a pleasure to read your thoughts

  2. My number?Infinity 😀 Of course I’m joking!

    Well,a state of impermanence exists in our life.When you venture into a relationship,an intimate to be precise,you’re never guaranteed assurance that it will actually last for eternity.You break up,get a new hook…and the process continues 🙂 I personally don’t see how the number of people you’ve had sexual contact with affects your current relationship and your present life in general :/ IMPERMANENCE is the thing here.

    Nice article,I managed to laugh as I read along 🙂

  3. it is not about the number but society’s perspective. For the longest time, society has made it unacceptable for females to have had coitus with multiple partners. It’s made them look slutty, while for men, it is a show of bravado, strength n might.
    Are we willing ti change tha perspective?
    And Maggie, put yourself in a man’s position. What would you think if a girl you are dating told you they hve had. 1) Less than 4 sexual partners? and 2) More than 12 sexual partners?
    Don’t forget to put into consideration the age of that lady……………

    1. thinking like a lady, a guy telling me of his multiple partners is bragging and a turn off…. and from i guys perspective, lets say it would be kinda weird telling a guy that you have had a very active sex life, so yes, i can see sense but still that’s having double standards and although am a big fan of it, in this case, i have to say that the society sucks! cos a mother would brag about her son’s prowess and at the same time criticize the daughter for the same thing that her son does! Thanx for reading and i hope to see you again in the near future.

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