This week’s post is about me….and the constant fog in my life that has finally cleared. Not all of it and definitely not entirely, but i can see a path….and although am not sure if its the right path, am going to take a leap of faith and hope for the best.If you were to ask me to be your girlfriend, my answer would be yes. I would love to be your girlfriend. And not because you are a rebound cos you are not. Not because am lonely, which i admit i sometimes am, but its not the reason i would say yes to your proposal.
Had you asked three months ago, i would have said no and not spared an extra thought on it. Its not that i was that cold or heartless, i was just very engulfed in my keeping my ‘personal space’ and getting to ‘know’ myself that i wouldn’t have wanted to break that. But now, i know that i don’t have to lose my personal space just because I’ll be your girlfriend. Now am ready to share myself with you wholly without wondering if am missing something better out there.
Had you asked a month ago, i would have told you to give me time to think about it. And in that ‘thinking about it’ time, i would have weighed all my options (and they are many). I would have looked at the picture we made to the world, and see whether it was the picture i wanted to portray. I would have talked to my friends and asked their thoughts on you and me. I would have listened to what the do not like about you and asked myself if i would let their thoughts count, and most likely, a month ago, their thoughts would have played a big role in my eventual answer, most likely a no.
A week ago….well, a week ago i would have just smiled and asked you “what took you so long?” but in my head i would have been screaming murder. I would have sat with you and ‘listened’ to you talk while i breathed and struggled to keep breathing. I would have thought with disbelief, ‘why now? why ruin a thing that was going so great with such boundaries?’ I would have wept on the inside for the loss of my freedom. You might ask, why would i have said yes if my feelings were that detached from my answer? Most likely, i would have said yes cos of the good times we have had. I would have said yes because you make me feel like a woman in all aspects of the word. I would have said yes because i might have heard some girl say she had a crush on you and you were acting all interested in her. I would have said yes because, although i wouldn’t have wanted you to be my boyfriend, i wouldn’t have wanted you to be someone else’. So i would have said yes a week ago but for the wrong reasons.
What could have changed in a week you ask? A lot! A lot has changed. Within me and also without me. The way my eyes saw the world is not the same way i see it now. Now i find my mind wondering to a moment shared without inhibitions or thought. To a moment so perfect, i wouldn’t want to relive it for fear of losing something.
I would say yes now because you make me smile, the thought of you make me smile.
I would say yes because you look at me and you make me wish i could see myself the way you see me, cos in your eyes, i redefine perfection.
I would say yes cos i don need to use words around you, my thoughts and yours just connect.
I would say yes because when you kiss me, you close your eyes and kiss me as though your life depended on it. You kiss me as though its the last thing you will ever do.
I would say yes, cos you smile and the only thing that comes to mind is “i have never seen such a lovely heart”. I see your heart in your smile when you smile at me.
I would say yes because you smell my skin and i can feel your mouth curving to a smile on my shoulder. As if you know something the world doesn’t.
I would say yes cos i do not care what anyone thinks of me, but you. I do not know what this thing called love is but with you, i get the feeling that this is it, this is love.
I would say yes because not only do you accept me and all my seven personalities, you love me without reservations.
I would say yes, because you make me feel beautiful, and you chase all my insecurities away.
I would say yes cos at this juncture, my life would suck without you. You make me want to let go of everything and just love you.
All that i discovered in a week. So what can a week change? A lot……it gave me fresh eyes. So, take your time and don’t rush on my account, i will wait for when you ask me to be your girlfriend, and be assured i will say yes.