Last Sunday was mother’s day and i wanted to write an article about it but because of circumstances that couldn’t be help, i couldn’t. I did, however, jot down a few ideas and saved them in my drafts except when i got around to finally expanding them to comprehensive thoughts, i couldn’t find them, which led to the conclusion that my phone sucks. But i got over it with just a few curses and some mean looks directed at my phone. So motherhood, that’s what i have been thinking about. No, i do not want to be a mother, at least not now, so that’s not the aspect i have been thinking about. But in a way it is. Accident motherhood…..that’s what i have been thinking about. Some of you might have heard the song by Nas, i think its about three months old or something, Accident murderer. i wont lie, am not all that sure what that song is about but the few lyrics i had the sense to listen to tells me is about killing accidentally, or lets say that’s what came to mind when i heard that song. So my title is inspired by that particular line of thinking….accidental murderer~~~~~accidental motherhood.
Most ladies have this plan in their head, and although some may not admit to having it, they do. The plan is quite simple; go to school or college, wrap all that up, get a job, get a husband, get kids….simple, right??! Wrong! Not simple…..well, when you just think about it in your head, its the simplest plan ever. But what girls never do, is consider all the factors that can interfere with that plan, boyfriends being the worst factor to not consider. Or rather sex. Or intercourse…i do not know which sounds more profound. With sex, comes responsibilities and those responsibilities almost always fall to the girls’ shoulders. Woe unto you if you happen to have small shoulders. Intercourse (settled on that one) is not bad, well, technically its a sin if you don’t have a band on your finger but am not gonna talk about that now, fornication is a topic for another day. For those with small shoulders, shit happens and before you know it, you are not only counting the days to when you think your menstrual should be, but also when you last sinned. That’s the time in a girls life that guys are cursed to hell and back, Adam and Eve are called really nasty names, the snake that lied to eve is killed seven thousand times and all in different methods, each more painful than the previous one. And when all that is exhausted, God becomes the focus. He is cajoled, begged, bribed, at some point even blackmailed, offered sacrifices, reasoned with and when all that is done and she is feeling more confident, in herself and in the deal(s) she has made with God, she takes THE test. And by that i mean the pregnancy test for those who might not be following my line of thought. Sometimes, God is merciful and the test becomes negative and well, sometimes, God wants to show you there are bigger things in this world besides your plan, and it turns out positive. That’s where the dilemma becomes real. Before that happened, she would have been so sure what she would do in that situation but now that she finds herself there, all thought and sense flees….reason escapes her mind and she becomes a mass of walking confusion. She deteriorates health wise and she loses interests in everything and all because she doesn’t know which path to take. There are usually two paths for the girl, one is to get rid of it and the other is to accept it has happened and move with it.
The weak minded and weak-hearted will go for the first option without much thought. Reason behind it, it was an accident….deal with it like an accident. When the legs were spreading and the ‘screaming’ was literary tearing her body apart, it never occurred to her that this might happen and now that it has, there is no reason to let it ‘ruin’ her life. She will go, spread her legs a second time and her ‘little problem’ would be taken care of and in no time she would be back to her normal self. I don’t know if they ever forget it, if they get over it, or if they never think about it again. Only they know, cos some never even tell the guy who got her there, they just deal with it!
But this post is about the the strong minded, they ones who dare to accept their fate and live with it. The courageous ladies who never think twice about becoming mothers. The ladies who took that accident as a blessing and decided to storm it out. They look at it from a different perspective. “So yes, it was an accident, and yes, i regret it but who am i to decide whether the child in me should live or die?” These girls have a conscience which wouldn’t allow them to just get rid of it. They were raised in church (most probably) or are just selfless. They will leave school if they were in school, they will be humiliated and talked about in hushed whispers which never say anything good about them or their situation, some get banished from their homes, and others, others never go home cos they know what awaits them. Some depend on the guys that got them pregnant and some decide to face it all alone, but whatever happens to them, they stick to their guns. They hear the whispers and cry on the inside but they still walk with their heads held high. They take the abuse and the hostility, they accept their humiliation and get embarrassed and in all that, they get joy and peace of mind knowing that they are doing the right thing, that they are going to be mothers. They struggle through it all and at the end of it all, they make the best mums, cos they know what they have been through and they share with their babies, they never want them to forget the hardships they went through just to get them here. They teach them the ways of the world from a different perspective…….they become heroes in their kids eyes. And at the same time, they tell them to live and let live, to not judge and to always remember, a coin has two sides. My mum told me that…a coin has to two sides and it ceases to be a coin without the other side. I never got the meaning then but as i live, i get a glimpse of what she meant.
Am not an avid supporter of abortion and i don’t agree with it but i agree with the motto, ‘its an accident, deal with it like its an accident’. But would i deal with it as such if i were to find myself in that situation? Frankly, i don’t know. I have a conscience and my mum, who has taught to be strong when faced with life changing decisions. She is my hero and i don’t need a specific day to tell her that, i let her know every single day cos i never want her to forget that she is my inspiration in everything i do. So, cheers to all the ladies who had an easier path and instead, chose motherhood. Accidental or not! Cheers to my mum!
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