(start the tune and then read on)
Ever just closed your eyes and wished that when you open them, the world would have regained its color from the grey shade that has taken form…and the ugliness that your eyes seem to see would have magically transformed into something beautiful? I do that all the time. That’s not to say that i see only ugliness in the world, sometimes i just wanna take a breather from this thing called life, just push an invisible pause button for like five minutes. And in that five minutes, life and time should cooperate with each other and take a break. To just stop in the middle of its dealings and just give me five whole minutes; not a day, not an hour……just five minutes of serenity.
But whenever i close my eyes, whether for just a minute or five minutes or even six hours, i find that somehow, my life had managed to screw itself up more than i left it. Sometimes am not even sure who is the boss of me, life or me. Sometimes i wonder whether am just supposed to go with the flow or i should go against the current. Going with the flow means you are just riding the current, you have no idea where the destination is and most of the time you don’t care. Cos its easier to just not care. So what if the current is not smooth and you have to fight off sharks from the little lifeboat you call a life, you’ll make it through….you always make it through and that’s what is important. But, is it? Is that all there is to it? Maybe….maybe not.
Sometimes i think about going against the current. Just gripping the paddles in my hands and paddling upstream as if my life depended on it. And in that instant, it would be. But the thing is, i never know which way is upstream and which is downstream. Just cos sometimes i have it easy doesn’t mean its downstream.I mean, who said that just because its upstream it should be hard? It could be upstream, and easy…..or downstream and hell. Am sure at one time or another we all think about it, where our lives are heading and whether its supposed to be headed that way? Whether we are here to serve a bigger purpose or just to be used as bad examples? Whether all our dreams will come true one day or they were just meant to be that…dreams…? Whether this stream we are on is downstream or upstream?
I wonder about it, a lot more than i should. Especially the part about whether i have a bigger purpose in life or am just a waste of skin lol! And every time i do, i look at my life, how it was a day ago and how i want it to be tomorrow. I panic for like seven seconds when i realize that nothing much has changed about me…the me from yesterday still looks and acts the same today and will probably look and act the same tomorrow. Whether am in the downstream or upstream, it all looks the same to me.
But there is a difference. Maybe too subtle to be noticed immediately, but its there. Its in the way i look at things, the way i look at people, the way i look at myself, that changes every moment. One minute i might be bored to death doing nothing except watching a tree grow old and the next minute, am at the same chair, the same spot, watching the same tree grow old and this time with fascination. That’s what new eyes are all about. Seeing things differently in a spasm of a moment….in a beat of a heartbeat, in a breathe, everything changes. You blink and suddenly, the world is full of colors again and somehow, you feel lighter. That’s the beauty of new eyes.
“It is easy to create new things, change places or do something different but to keep that sense of newness that creates enthusiasm is more difficult. The secret of newness in life is not to do new things constantly, but to see everything you do in new eyes, new insights and a new perspective.”